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Fatherhood, Co-Parenting and Child Support information. Get a better of understanding of your rights as a parent before you go to court. We will also give you information on how to be a better father and co-parent with the mother. Our goal is to increase father's involvement in the family structure.

What Am I Doing to My Kid When I Yell?

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Thursday, July 11, 2019

What Am I Doing to My Kid When I Yell?

Short answer: You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of shouting matches.

By Jonathan Stern fatherly.com Updated Jul 09 2019, 4:34 PM


Yelling at kids often occurs unconsciously. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel effective. After all, yelling often feels like the best technique for getting a kid’s attention, punishing them, or simply expressing feelings of anger. But all of the shouting, screaming, and yelling at kids is deeply unhelpful to parenting.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, founder of Aha! Parenting and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, yelling is clearly a parenting “technique” we can do without. But she’s also a realist. You get three hours of sleep a night, you’re going to lose it. The good news is that the psychological and emotional damage to a kid is minimal when parents yell (assuming it’s not true verbal abuse). The bad news is that those who are doing it constantly are setting up more shouting matches later in life.


Grown-Ups Are Scary When They Yell

The power parents hold over young kids is absolute. To them, their folks are humans twice their size who provide things they need to live: Food, shelter, love — Nick Jr. When the person they trust most frightens them, it rocks their sense of security. And yes, it’s truly frightening for a child. “They’ve done studies where people were filmed yelling. When it was played back to the subjects, they couldn’t believe how twisted their faces got,” says Dr. Markham. A 3-year-old may appear to push buttons and give off an attitude like an adult, but they still don’t have the emotional maturity to be treated like one.


Yelling at Kids Is Never Communicating

Nobody (except for a small percentage of sadists) enjoys being yelled at. So, why would kids? “When parents yell, kids acquiesce on the outside, but the child isn’t more open to your influence, they’re less so,” says Dr. Markham. Younger kids may bawl; older kids will get a glazed-over look — but both are shutting down instead of listening. That’s not communication.


Yelling Makes Kids Fight, Flight, or Freeze

Dr. Markham says that while parents who shout aren’t ruining their kids’ brains, per se, they are changing them. “Let’s say during a soothing experience [the brain’s] neurotransmitters respond by sending out soothing biochemicals that we’re safe. That’s when a child is building neural pathways to calm down.”

When a toddler with underdeveloped prefrontal cortex and not much in the way of the executive function gets screamed at, the opposite happens. “The kid releases biochemicals that say fight, flight, or freeze. They may hit you. They may run away. Or they freeze and look like a deer in headlights. None of those are good for brain formation,” she says. If that action happens repeatedly, the behavior becomes ingrained.


How to Keep From Yelling at Kids

  • Remember that the younger children are, the less likely their button-pushing behavior is intentional. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
  • Consider that yelling teaches children that adversity can only be met with a raised and angry voice.
  • Use humor to help a kid disengage from problematic behavior. Laughter is better than yelling and tears.
  • Train yourself to raise your voice only in crucial situations where a child might get hurt. Then lower your voice to communicate.
  • Focus on engaging in a calm dialogue. Yelling shuts down all forms of communication between you and the child and often prevents lessons from being learned through discipline.

Parents Who Yell Train Kids to Yell

“Normalize” is a word that gets thrown about a lot these days in politics, but it’s also applicable to a child’s environment. Parents who constantly yell in the house make that behavior normal for a kid, and they’ll adapt to it. Dr. Markham notes that if a child doesn’t bat an eye when they’re being scolded, there’s too much scolding going on. Instead, parents need to first and foremost be models of self-regulation. In essence, to really get a kid to behave, grown-ups have to first.


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Take Your Dad to Breakfast

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Monday, May 07, 2018

Sussex County Delaware Fatherhood & Family Coalition

Take Your Dad to Breakfast


June 16, 2018 from 9AM to Noon

IHOP Restaurant
22812 Sussex Highway, Seaford, DE 19973

Click here to sign-up

FOR MORE INFO: Tanisha Showell (302) 518-0618, tshowell@connectionscsp.org WWW.DFFCDADS.ORG

Take Your Dad To Dinner

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Monday, May 07, 2018

New Castle County Delaware Fatherhood & family Coalition

Take Your Dad To Dinner


June 15, 2018 from 6PM to 9pm

Red Robin Restaurant
101 W. Main St., Christiana, DE 19702

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP

FOR MORE INFO: Daynell Wright (302)478-9411; 214, dwright@dffcdads.org WWW.DFFCDADS.ORG

kent-county-father-daughter-dance

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Monday, April 30, 2018

KENT COUNTY LEADERSHIP COALITION cordially invites you to our

FATHER & DAUGHTER DANCE


SATURDAY, JUNE 23, 2018

Outlook at the Duncan Center
500 W.Loockerman St., Dover, DE 19901

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT : Sade' Truiett 302-674-1355 ext. 214 (office)
302-278-5449 (cell) struiett@dffcdads.org
www.dffcdads.org | email: admin@dffcdads.org | phone: 1-855-733-3232

New Castle County Brunch & Brushes

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Monday, March 26, 2018


Delaware Fatherhood & Coalition cordially invites you to our Mother's Day Event

New Castle County
Brunch & Brushes


Saturday, May 12, 2018  11:00 AM to 2:00 PM

Christian Love Worship Cathedral
1230 N. French St.,
Wilmington, DE 19801

SIGN-UP TODAY LIMITED SEATS AVAILABLE

Daddy Don't Go -Movie Trailer

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Friday, April 28, 2017

"Daddy Don't Go" [Movie Trailer]

Posted by Melissa Steward from National Fatherhood Initiative


Many of the nation’s top sociologists and policy makers consider fatherlessness to be the most pressing issue facing American families today. Further, disadvantaged fathers in particular face numerous obstacles in raising their children, and some fail to shoulder the responsibility. Those who stay are more important than ever and must be supported.

According to the U.S. Census, one in three children in America grow up without a father, placing them at a significantly higher risk to live in poverty, do poorly in school and run afoul of the criminal justice system. This is particularly true for New York City’s African-American and Latino children, of which 54% and 43% respectively grow up in fatherless households.

A 2014 study of over 40 million children and their parents by researchers at Harvard University found that family structure showed the strongest correlation with economic mobility — more so than other factors such as racial segregation, income inequality, school quality or social capital.



In fact, family structure is particularly important for fatherless boys who are more than twice as likely to become absent fathers themselves.

To highlight and address these challenges, “Daddy Don’t Go” is a timely and intimate journey that serves as a clear message on the importance of fathers in the lives of our nation's children. The film follows the story of four disadvantaged fathers in NYC fighting to beat the odds and defy the deadbeat dad stereotype.

"Daddy Don't Go" was conceived to inspire all parents — especially those that are disadvantaged.

“Daddy Don’t Go” will resonate deeply with urban audiences eager to see a film that challenges the “deadbeat dad” stereotype with positive and compassionate images of men persevering against the odds. Through the stories of the film's subjects, “Daddy Don’t Go” raises awareness around the obstacles that disadvantaged fathers face and can be used to inspire dads in crisis, the ones that are leaving their homes in tragically high numbers.

The film also poses urgent questions that expand the ongoing national dialogue concerning fatherhood. Can a man be a good dad in spite of not being a great provider? How does being a father shift a man’s identity?


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Fathers Matter for the Whole Family

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Fathers Matter for the Whole Family

This fatherhood video shows a diverse group of dads answering questions such as:

  • Where do men learn to be fathers?
  • How does society view fathers?
  • What more can society do to support fathers?

The Problem of Incarceration for America's Children

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Monday, April 03, 2017

The Problem of Incarceration for America's Children

Posted by Melissa Steward from National Fatherhood Initiative


There are 2.7 million children with a parent in prison or jail. Ninety-two percent (92%) of parents in prison are fathers.

The sort-of good news is that ninety-five (95%) of all inmates will eventually be released. The not-so-good news is that most—2 out of 3 inmates—will re-offend and be back in prison.
It's clear we have a problem. But we also have a solution.
When we talk about father absence in general, we focus on the U.S. Census Bureau's statistic that 24 million children—one out of three—live without their dad in the home. Consequently, there is a “father factor” in nearly all of the societal issues facing America today.

We must take action to raise up more involved, responsible, and committed fathers. And that includes fathers who are currently (or formerly) incarcerated.
To help you better understand and share this message, we created a simple yet powerful infographic outlining the problem and solution for America's children due to fathers behind bars.

The Facts [The Problem for America's Children]

There are 2.7 million children with a parent in prison or jail.  
The number of children with a father in prison has grown by 79% since 1991.
Having a parent who is incarcerated is now recognized as an “adverse childhood experience” (ACE). This is different from other ACEs because of the trauma, stigma, and shame it inflicts on children.
More than 650,000 ex-offenders are released from prison every year. Fathers are returning to their children and families without the skills they need to be involved, responsible, and committed fathers.
Incarceration often spans generations. Fathers in prison are, overwhelmingly, fatherless themselves. Youths in father-absent households have significantly higher odds of incarceration.
Two-thirds of released prisoners, or 429,000, are likely to be rearrested within three years. Recidivism is a huge, national problem, and fathers are leaving their children behind.


The Solution for America's Children


Give incarcerated fathers a vision that they have a unique and irreplaceable role in the life of their child. Increased confidence, along with changes in attitude and skills are a powerful motivator for successful reentry and to bring home fathers to their children.

Use an evidence-based program to rehabilitate fathers and train men on what it means to be a man and a father. NFI's InsideOut Dad® program is the only evidence-based parenting program designed specifically for incarcerated fathers. An evaluation conducted by Rutger's University found that fathers who went through InsideOut Dad® while in prison showed statistically significant increases in fathering knowledge and confidence/self-esteem compared to a control group.

Connect fathers with their children heart-to-heart. Through activities and group sessions in a program like InsideOut Dad®, fathers take action to reach out to their children to begin, repair, or rejuvenate relationships with their children and families.

Help to reduce recidivism, especially for fathers. Fathers who are involved with, and connected to their children and families prior to release are less likely to return to jail or prison. In fact, some states have conducted evaluations that connect the use of NFI's InsideOut Dad® program along with other interventions to reduce recidivism.


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Men's attitude to fatherhood influences child behavior, says study

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Men's attitude to fatherhood influences child behavior, says study

Nicola Davis, TheGuardian.com

Preteen behavioral problems less likely in children with confident fathers who embrace parenthood, suggest researchers



Children of confident fathers who embrace parenthood are less likely to show behavioral problems before their teenage years, researchers have found.
A new study suggests that a man’s attitudes towards fatherhood soon after his child’s birth, as well as his feelings of security as a father and partner, are more important than his involvement in childcare and household chores when it came to influencing a child’s later behavior.
“It is the emotional connection and the emotional response to actually being a parent that matters enormously in relation to later outcomes for children,” said Maggie Redshaw, a developmental and health psychologist at the University of Oxford and co-author of the research.

Writing in the journal BMJ Open, Redshaw and colleagues at the University of Oxford describe how they explored the influence of fathers on the behavior of their offspring by analyzing data from the Avon longitudinal study of parents and children – a large-scale UK study that followed the health and development of thousands of children born in the early 1990s.

The study asked parents to complete questionnaires at various points in their child’s life. Among the surveys, mothers were asked to assess their child’s behavior at nine and 11 years, with questions probing a variety of issues including the child’s attitudes towards other children, their tendency to restlessness, whether they were willing to share toys and their confidence in unfamiliar situations.

Fathers, meanwhile, were asked to complete questionnaires on their approach and feelings towards parenting both eight weeks and eight months after their child’s birth, with questions including how often they helped with housework, how confident they felt as a parent, and whether they enjoyed spending time with the baby. Answers were given on scales, and then totted up.
Looking at the results for more than 6,300 children who lived with both parents at least until eight months old, the researchers found that children whose fathers were more confident about being a parent, and who were more emotionally positive about the role, were less likely to show behavioral difficulties by the ages of nine and 11. By contrast, the degree to which a father engaged with chores around the home or activities with their child apparently had no such influence.

Examining the fathers’ scores for emotional responses to their babies, taking into account factors such as the child’s gender, family size and socioeconomic status, it was found that for every point the scores increased above the average, the relative chance of the child having signs of behavioral problems decreased by 14%, and 11% at ages nine and 11 respectively. Similarly, for every point increase beyond the average in the fathers’ sense of security in parenting, the relative likelihoods of the child having behavioral problems were 13%, and 11% lower by ages nine and 11, respectively.
While the authors admit that study relied on self-reporting, and that attitudes to parenting might have changed over the years, Redshaw says the work highlights the impact of how parents feel about their roles on child development. “It is part of the approach that early experience matters and it matters from the point of view of both parents,” she said.

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Dads Are Magic Too. [Video]

Delaware Fatherhood and Family Coalition - Thursday, March 16, 2017

Dads Are Magic Too.

Posted by Melissa Steward

Trusted legacy brand, Baby Magic, has partnered with National Fatherhood Initiative® (NFI) to launch a campaign “Dads Are Magic Too”, which puts a spotlight on influential dads across the world that are changing the way society looks at fatherhood.

For years, dads have often been known as the “passive parent,” but research shows that modern dads are more involved in their families’ lives more than ever before. In honor of these amazing role models, Baby Magic, the makers of Baby Magic products alongside parent company Naterra, have made a commitment to highlight real dads of all kinds – single dads, stay-at-home dads, dads working alongside moms – to help dads everywhere realize that they have a lot more to offer.



The partnership will support NFI’s commitment to teaching more men the importance of fatherhood, and uplifting those who may not have had a strong father figure themselves. To that end, Baby Magic will make a monetary donation to help sustain NFI’s key initiatives, and will also promote NFI’s work on many platforms.

“Baby Magic was inspired to launch the ‘Dads Are Magic Too’ campaign after observing the way that fathers all over the world are stepping up more than ever to become irreplaceable forces in their children’s’ lives and are working together with mothers to raise little ones,” said Baby Magic Director of Marketing, Laurie Enright. “In conjunction with our new campaign, we’re thrilled to be able to partner with National Fatherhood Initiative to raise awareness around the importance of fathers engaging in their children’s lives, while encouraging people across the globe to support this great cause and show love to wonderful fathers everywhere.”


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About DFFC

The Delaware Fatherhood & Family Coalition is an extension of the Promoting Safe and Stable Families Program and the Responsible Fatherhood Initiative created specifically to give a voice to fathers and the importance of their involvement for the well-being of their children.


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